I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
