Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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