my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Quick, to the slutcave!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
