Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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