I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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