If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
