her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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