Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
