The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
