my phone needs a breathalizer
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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