you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
try to milk me bitch
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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