if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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