I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
