woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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