Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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