How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
