the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
