the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
