What a fucking waste of an outfit
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
