i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
