I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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