do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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