she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
