just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
