Your tits are I can't wait for
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
