How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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