Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
