I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize