i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
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