Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
