i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
