my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
