I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize