I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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