i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
