Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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