Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
