Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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