Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
