It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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