i drank out of a bidet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize