She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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