My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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