hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
