Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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