I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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