This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
