ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
