there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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