he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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