On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
