i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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