If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
