We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
