WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
