Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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