you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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