we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
