you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you never un-have a 4some
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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