help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
