is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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