she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
