So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
