apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
